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Jan. 16th, 2006 @ 08:55 am
I seem to have grown a tail in the night. It's long and spotted, like a leopard's. I'm still figuring out how to wag it, though.

This is going to make it very interesting trying to put my pants on, though.

Sep. 8th, 2005 @ 03:29 pm
I love my job.

My list of the top 10 ways I'd like to die! Apr. 12th, 2005 @ 12:28 pm
1. death by poisoning from easily avoidable environmental contamination
2. death by leech-related blood loss
3. death by internal bleeding, having accidentally stabbed myself with a spork, and then being too embarrassed about it to call anyone, thus dying in agony in my own bathroom.
4. death by starvation, having had my leg caught under several large rocks in the middle of nowhere
5. death by exposure, having just gnawed my own leg off to free myself from rocks when a blizzard hits.
6. death by crucifixion
7. death of old age, having been in a vegetative state and sucking up the world's resources for the past 50 years.
8. death by cholera
9. death by strangulation at the hands of my own child
10. death by gas chamber in the next holocaust that I did nothing to prevent.

Add your own favorite ways you'd like to die!

Know what I hate? Apr. 12th, 2005 @ 12:25 pm

I wish the sun would just implode and be done with it.

Apr. 11th, 2005 @ 10:59 am
God, I love the police in New Mexico. These heroes make me feel so safe and proud to be an American, what with how they enforce the laws uniformly and with grace!
Other entries
» (No Subject)
The temptation to kill can quickly control every muscle in your body, while your mind screams at it to stop. This I found the hard way, and as I stood there with the morbidly soothing feeling of warm blood dripping from my hand, I questioned whether I truly wanted to live with this guilt. I stood in a daze, pondering the worth of my continued existence. I suppose as long as there is Wendy's spicy chicken, I will live.
» (No Subject)
I was thinking over my experiences at Earlham, and I was thinking, you know what I miss? No, not my friends. I really miss Humanities A. If only I could go back to that marvelous meeting of the mind and argue some more over Between Dignity and Despair. What a wonderful scholarly work that was. If only I could hear the titters of my fellow first-years again over buffalo sex. If only I could discuss the pompous work of an arrogant guy with an insanely pretentious name.

Ah, weren't those the days?
» This was the weirdest thing to have ever happened to anyone I know
Benicio Del Torro (AKA my friend Peach Smints) travelled to Denmark, married a Cambodian, fathered six kids (to five women) and came back and insisted he was a virgin! That rat bastard. And he doesn't even pay child support. Tisk Tisk.

She tried to contact him once. His Cambodian wife. (I think her name was Xiauling) She showed up at school one day and sat in on his Senior Project presentation. She sat next to him and mumbled the entire time. Ms. Saunders kept telling her to leave, but finally, after 20 minutes of Xiauling definitely not leaving she gave up and told Peach Smints to continue with his presentation. He kept wiping his brow. Then, as soon as he was done, he went to the bathroom. He came back a few minutes later with coke all over his nose and sat back down in his chair next to me and he and Xiauling began a screaming fit that forced them to be pulled out of CAHS by the policewoman and Eric Meade (a large, strong kid).

If you ask him, he'll avoid you for a beeline to the bathroom and come back with coke on his nose and have no idea what you're talking about.

I wonder if Southern Belle (his girlfriend) knows about this?
» Scandal!! Showdown!
Unfortunately, I'm afraid I have to take peaceofpie and redheadedneko down. They have challenged Antichrist Bill Clinton's pure and honest love for me!

Unless given suitable reason otherwise, I shall be forced to rain my hellish justice upon you!

As for those who are still hiding lies . . . I shall find out, and you will perish!
» Wow this is dumb
I think this will be no fun at all. It sounds like the stupidest idea I've ever heard. GO DUBYA!!!!!
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